Be a Transition Figure - a person who stops the transmission of negative behaviors to others.

姑姑 texted me last evening to say that she will be writing me a note. If you are following me on my page, you would have seen a note which I have shared, written by Julie Tan. Here's how it goes;

Dear Zoe
Having read the online posts about you over the wedding-to-be saga, it was heartbreaking to know how you’ve been implicated. While I am aware that netizens can be very vicious in their online comments, I now learnt that many are so gullible and easily swayed by just reading a single-sided claim. They don’t give others the benefit of the doubt, never mind if they do not personally know the people involved in the saga. Many just switched into the slamming mode and went wild in their defamatory remarks. You are my precious niece; I was heartbroken because you were so wronged. I felt so sorry for you. Both of us discussed in great length about whether you should speak up for yourself or even to take legal actions. 姑丈 and I felt that you really don’t deserve such ill treatments and you should fend for yourself. We always believe that we should never allow people to bully us. But knowing you, we are not surprised that you have decided not to pursue the matter and to let it rest. This is a reflection of your character, to step back and let go. We are very proud of you.

When I went out with you today, I believe I witnessed some girls passing ill remarks about you. I don’t know when this will end, or it may never will. As much as I know you are a strong girl, I’m sure it somehow dampened your spirit. This is where good character comes into play. Bear in mind that it is your cyber personality that was smeared by the saga, by people who do not know you personally. People who know you well will trust your character; they will stand by you, through good times and bad times. I am very sure this saga has revealed to you who are your true friends, your faithful readers, your important relationships. Steven Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People quoted “If you want to retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent”. I have read online posts by people who spoke up for you. I commend their courage. It was not easy, for they too get criticized. They spoke up for you even when you were not there. These are people who you know you can trust, they are your important relationships. I am also aware that there are people who felt that it was futile cyber-feuding with other netizens. Thus they show their support for you by writing to you personally. I know you are also very touched by their kindness. These are also your important relationships.

I believe some of your friends and readers have been waiting for you to speak up for yourself. But I am sure they will also respect your thoughts and decision, that sometimes doing less is more. Although in your case, remaining silent can be misinterpreted as agreement, but I now know that you chose to remain silent as you do not want to give anyone any more opportunity to bully you and your friends. It’s not what people do to us that hurts us. In the most fundamental sense it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts us. I believe you have chosen the right response, which is to not respond. We can choose our actions, but we cannot choose the consequences. I’m glad to know that during these trying times of yours, you have chosen to focus on your circle of influence, which is to continue to build your relationship with important people, your true friends, your supportive colleagues and your kind readers. These are the people who clearly know that the defamatory remarks about you are false. Do continue to focus on expanding your circle of influence and build trustworthiness. These are the people who love you. They also deserve your love. Continue to disregard people who pass slanderous and malicious remarks about you. These are matters you can’t control, being concerned about these unimportant people will only drain your energy and consume your time. I hope you will never be dispirited by these people again. “Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least” – Goethe.

Love from….
your one and only 姑姑.



The picture taken above was taken when I was around 2 years old. 姑姑 was still in poly. I would always remember her taking Zonia and I out to play and it was not easy taking care of me. I was an active child and was not easy to hold/ carry. I would always run around and leave them in sweat because they have to run after me.

My 姑姑 is someone I have always looked up to as I was growing up. 姑姑 is really pretty, she has cheery personality and full of positive vibes. It made it very easy to talk to her over the years that I have been growing up. It made me cry for I know that I am truly blessed. Falling is a learning experience. It teaches you humility, it teaches you to work harder & it is also a powerful motivator.