Goodbye will never be an easy word.

Rach;

I can feel almost how you felt. Or even really feel how to felt. My Grandpa passed on 2 years ago. Yet, this feeling is still so fresh to me. A feeling that I have never felt before.

Just like you, this whole ordeal is new to me. And similarly, It wasn’t like the last time I lost a loved one. I was young and unexposed to the world of life and death.

Family issues arise and that I only meet my maternal Grandfather once a year, for the past few years; On the first day of Chinese New Year. Gong Gong didnt know my name. He was a soft spoken man, just like my Mother. The only phrase he would say to me was: "Have you eaten" in Chinese.

I remember my Mother receiving a call from my uncle saying Gong Gong cant hold on anymore. I remember walking to the ward at Tan Tock Seng; Gong Gong's ward was next to this huge flower vase.
I remember how Gong Gong couldn't respond to us when we were there.
I remember how we spent the night there when the Doctor said "Be with him tonight".

Gong Gong pulled through the night. I felt a sense of relived. We went home and rested. Picked up Paternal Grandparents who wanted to visit their in law. As we were outside the Toa Payoh flat, waiting for Ah Gong to lock up the gate. Mother received a call. I can still remember how scared I was when I hear a phone ring. And it was a call of us dreaded. Uncle called again. Gong Gong's time was ticking away. We rushed to the hospital, the silence in the car on our way there. Unforgettable. Uncle called, Mother cried. She cried out loud for the first time. And yes, Gong Gong was gone.

We couldn't make it in time.

Yes Rach, the whole ordeal of rushing down the hospital, walking the long neverending corridor to his ward. It's scary. It really was.

I really want to turn back time. To sit by his side, and start a conversation with him. I really want to know more about what he likes and doesn't. I really want to hold his hand tightly and say i will work hard in school, get a cert and earn to go on a holiday trip with him. And, tell him "I love you".


I can never forget the chair he sits on, where he will sit and watch PSC night blankly when my family still visit every Saturday night.


So this new year, i want Gong Gong to know.

"Gong Gong, you are not forgotten. And, I love you."
Happy New Year.